time is limited

I feel defeated. The unknown is killing me. I have no idea what the remainder of this pregnancy looks like for us and it scares me. I'm worried because this is 'my' area of expertise, newborns/babies. I'm normally calm and collected and ready for the chaos but this, THIS is real. The realization that this pregnancy could be over at any minute and Lainey may be forced to face this world outside of me is not something I can handle. I selfishly want to keep her baking and growing inside of me longer. Next week we will find out if I'm holding up my end of the deal.. the baking and growing her part. It's scary to think that outside of me might be better for her if she isn't growing inside.

I'm a list maker and a go getter-pretty type A over the top organized. And the thought that at any appointment I may be forced to go into the hospital and have her is NOT comforting. I have no idea what to pack in a hospital bag for a preemie or for myself at that. Our house has no diapers/wipes, sheets, changing table, car seat. NOTHING for a baby. We have an empty room partially decorated waiting on our little girl's things to arrive. We have a few outfits (NONE that would fit a 3 lb..if that baby)...

I'm 29 weeks pregnant today and I have two pictures of my growing belly from weeks ago. I haven't taken a single bare belly picture for personal memory and I have no sweet pictures of my hubby kissing or talking to Lainey. I feel like any minute these opportunities could be taken from me and I'll never get them back. 

So today.. I realize time is limited and I gotta get this show on the road whether I like it or not. Time to put my big girl panties on and deal with it!