because of HER. i am me. MOM

Because of HER, I am me. MOM. 

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I am your parent you are my child
I am your quiet place, you are my wild
I am your calm face, you are my giggle
I am your wait, you are my wiggle
I am your audience, you are my clown
I am your London Bridge, you are my falling down
I am your Carrot Sticks, you are my licorice
I am your dandelion, you are my first wish
I am your water wings, you are my deep
I am your open arms, you are my running leap
I am your way home, you are my new path
I am your dry towel, you are my wet bath
I am your dinner you are my chocolate cake
I am your bedtime, you are my wide awake
I am your finish line, you are my race
I am your praying hands, you are my saving grace
I am your favourite book, you are my new lines
I am your nightlight, you are my sunshine
I am your lullaby, you are my peek-a-boo
I am your kiss goodnight, you are my I love you

 Author: Maryann K Cusimano

Last year little one was in my belly and Mothers day wasn't quite real to me. This year I worked with new mommies to welcome their little ones into the world. I didn't quite get to spend my mothers day with my loved ones but they did come visit me at work at it made my heart happy. The poem above so clearly describes the role of being a MOM. She is my wild,  my sunshine, my I LOVE YOU, and so much more. She is my life.

Lately, she has developed quite the personality, little miss independent, little miss i know what i want... she is on the go 24/7. she fights sleep and doesn't care to cuddle. yes, at times it breaks my heart but even more it brings joy to my life knowing this little girl has charisma and spunk and the drive that are going to get her places in life. I know there will be times when she is going to need cuddles from her mom and I'll always be there and yes it would totally be nice to snuggle sometimes but I'm okay with playing on the floor laughing and chasing each other down the hall. Im okay with the kicks and screams while changing her diaper and putting her to sleep. Because when she wakes up with a huge smile in the morning and those rare moments during the day where I get a ton of slobbery kisses totally make up for it. She is one of a kind. She is mine.

My little Lainey bug will be 11 months in a few weeks and right now she weighs 16 lbs 4 oz. She eats whole milk because I've run out of breast milk. She also eats anything from our plates and baby food pouches. She loves two things : her brothers and to crawl. She is pretty social. We take her with us wherever we go and I think that is one reason why she adjusts just fine when we are on the go.

My lovey and sweets got me a few things on this mothers day: an adult aden and anais blanket (i'm obsessed), cards, a sweet set of foot prints from the little, and chocolate covered strawberries.

I can't wait until next year to see how different life will be. Lainey will be 23 months old and I'm sure my post will be a lot different than this one. We shall see!

hard times

Today I miss my hubs. Life has been tough lately. Not just tough as in "oh man things aren't going our way" but tough as in NOTHING is going our way. such is life.

In college I had a really hard time juggling nursing school and life. I stopped doing everything just to focus on school. I was stressed out mentally and physically because nothing ever seemed easy. After graduation I took a big sigh of relief thinking life was just going to be a walk in the park from here on out. After I graduated my lovely husband still had a year of school to finish so we figured okay one more year of this stress and everything will get easier! Then we realized Jas was not going to just jump right into a job like we had hoped. And then we started to think Okay we can do this, we have made it this far. Then we found out in October of 2011 that I was pregnant and we thought okay. maybe just maybe we will make it. Here we are and we have made it. It wasn't easy and it wasn't fun. We thought for sure things couldn't get any harder and here we are again. Hubs really wanted to join the air force reserves or the national guard to pay for unexpected student loans. After doing a ton of research we settled on one over the other and started pursuing that road. We thought the hard part was over and it would just be preparing for this huge transition. WRONG! Jas had surgery in 2006 from a shoulder injury he got while playing baseball in high school and it seems as though this may now disqualify him from serving. I cannot help but think to myself Why oh why does life have to be SO hard? Why must it be so easy for others and nothing gives for us. Now don't get me wrong I know life isn't easy on everyone. And we are so young and have so much of life ahead of us but life is just plain tough. So here we are trying to figure out where to go from here. We have made some changes and are just taking things one day at a time. Life is hard. Life is tough. But life is good.

We are alive and well. Most days we look at each other and say can we make it? Can we do this one more day? .. And we smile and hug each other and just keep going. We've concluded life might not get easier but that is why we have each other. I would not want to hurdle these obstacles in life with anyone else. Jas is my best friend. my only friend. my outlet. my support. my strength. a smile on a bad day. the glue that keeps us together.

So that's life. It isn't always pretty  but there are some really awesome changes going on and I hope to blog about those with some pictures soon to update everyone  the few people who read our blog journey.

the love of a man

today i was supposed to go to work. instead i got call. my amazing husband told me to go get a manicure and a pedicure..because he loves me that much. he gave up time for us to be together to instead allow me time to myself. the love of my man is out of this world. i feel a little selfish for taking time away from my man and baby but so grateful because lainey has been a handful this week. the month really. she is cranky fussy fighting sleep and just plain unhappy. last night i prayed so hard that she would get sleep. eat. and enjoy life. my prayers were answered praise the lord. she has been a sweetheart today and im so thankful for answered prayers.

Loves of my life...

My greatest joy- seeing my love holding our little girl

The most gorgeous girl in the world! 

Loving mommy before work

She is a daddy's girl!

Every good and perfect gift comes from above.

I cannot even begin to explain how in love with these two I am. I am reminded just how precious life is. My husband is the absolute love of my life and my little girl is the greatest joy and biggest blessing I've ever received. I'm more in love than ever before and my heart is full, filled to the brim. My marriage is better than it has ever been, not because life is easier but actually because life is harder. Having a child has made us work so much harder at communicating and loving each other on the good days and the bad days. Jas understands me and supports me without having to say a word. He is the worlds greatest dad and best friend anyone could ask for. My little love bug reminds me so much of the miracle of life. I've constantly gone through ultrasounds and pictures and marveled at the miracle she is. She went from being a little bitty nugget that flopped and wiggled inside of me to a beautiful girl with a large personality. She has only been with us a few months and she has already made life so much better. Life is totally worth living these days. Parenting is seriously so very hard. There are days,like today, that she screams all day and nothing I can do will make her happy but then there are 5 minutes during that day that she snuggles and smiles and coo's and it brings tears to my eyes and butterflies in my heart. She has such a huge personality. She knows what she wants and often get's just that. There is no denying where she gets that from. She is so full of life from the minute she wakes to the second she falls asleep. She knows her mommy and daddy and loves to see us come home. It's crazy how much she changes when our little family is together. It's like she feels peace and comfort when we are all together. She is one smart girl. She gives the biggest and best slobbery kisses. For the last few years I've always had a list of things I wanted to accomplish before I died, I guess you could say a bucket list, though it's not very long. I wanted to do only a few things.. get married and have a baby. My life is complete and now everything else is just icing and sprinkles on top of the cupcake! 

Life is all too short to forget what is important. Love. Family. Memories. and the one who gives all.. God. 

how do i feel

Today I am a little sad. My baby is getting so big, so fast. I have days that I've already forgotten about the newborn phase and I look back at her pictures and just think about how much time has passed. This month it will have been a year since we found out we were pregnant and to me it is sad. My pregnancy flew by and, as many first time parents, we did not capture enough. I don't remember the sick days, the small days, the fat days, the adventures.. anything! So so sad. Now, Lainey is almost 3.5 months old and we do not have enough memories captured. I wish we had taken more time to capture the moments so that we can have them to look back on. So I'm sad.

Life has been great, changing daily, but great. We have a lot of changes about to take place and if you know me you probably know that I do not do change well. Jas is about to jump into the next "chapter" of his life career wise and I am about to make a minor career change that hopefully will mean more family time and a better schedule for us all.

Work has taken so much time away from our family life and I just miss my hubs and baby.

Beware baby update/randomness ahead--

Lainey girl is between 11 and 12 pounds which is just crazy to me since she was only 5 lbs 14 oz when she was born. She has the cutest double chin/chubs and her constant drooling causes a funky odor in those little rolls. She eats strictly breast milk and I just cannot believe she is almost old enough for rice cereal. someone freeze time. please. please. please. She has blue eyes and blonde/brown hair. She wears size 3 to 6 month clothes and size 2 diapers. she hates wearing headbands but she will learn to love them. she loves her paci and swing. she has learned to sit up and stand on her legs.. she is so close to sitting by herself. big girl. she loves to coo and giggle when we make faces at her. she is so good on car rides and in public but acts crazy at home. she must be telling us it's time to get out more! I am head over heels in love with this girl and she is such a blessing in my life. To say I feel like I've found my purpose in life is an understatement. I cannot wait to show her what true unconditional love it. I think I need to go smooch her chubby cheeks right this second.

My goals for this fall include:
-getting outside in the nice weather..whenever it arrives.
-a few diy projects including a magnetic makeup board because frankly im tired of dropping my mac makeup on the floor.
-lose a little extra weight
-spend WAY more time making/capturing memories with my love and my little love
-spend more time with the boys..aka the dogs
-start shopping for christmas because after all a baby surely changes my last minute christmas shopping
-decorate my house for fall because a little pumpkin scent does the heart good

enjoy!

Updates

Welp, here we go again! My lack of blogging skills totally and completely sucks. I love reading others blogs but mine lacks substance and importance. Tonight I think I'm going to just give some updates.. so enjoy my life in bullets (aka updates/thoughts)

- Lainey is a little over three, i repeat, THREE months old. Crazy how fast time has gone. She is probably about 11-12 lbs. She was 10 pounds a few weeks ago. She has brown hair with blond roots and blue eyes! She is almost out of size 1 diapers..makes my heart a little sad! She has such a big personality and coo's and smiles all the time. She also screams at the top of her lungs and pokes out her pouty lip quite often too.. Let me just tell you that pouty lip already works like a charm!
-The boys, aka the dogs, have gotten so BIG! They play all the time and love to lick lainey's feet. (No worries she kicks them away). They are getting dog training at home again and it went really well. We are trying to work on their jumping and obedience so that people can come over and not have to worry about their behavior.
-My husband is a rock star! He is the worlds BEST dad and he is such an awesome husband. I really thought this whole parenthood journey would mean little sleep and more fighting but we have really grown more in love and this has been such a blessing in our lives. He keeps us going and works so hard to have a great attitude despite how life's hard times treat him.
-The hubs is planning on joining the national guard or the air force reserves.. hoping to get all of the details in line and start paperwork soon. He is working so hard to make the best for our family.. love him!
- Our immediate family has been quite a hand full lately. We've really tried to pull away from all the drama and it has positively impacted our marriage and family life for the better. I just wish there could be a happy medium and that things didn't have to go this way.
- Seeing Jas as such a sweet, tender, rocking, awesome dad to my little girl makes me question what my life would have been like had my dad been alive a lot longer. Some days I get sad and others I remember that all things in life happen for a reason and this too shall pass.
-Our 7 year anniversary (dating) is coming up next month and I'm trying to think of some awesome gifts to give the hubs.. I often wonder if people celebrate their "dating" anniversary after they get married. For me every anniversary is a time to celebrate. Life is short and hard and there are many people that don't make it to their next anniversary and that makes me want to celebrate even more!
-Baby girl has been sleeping through the night! score!!!!
-I've been in the crafting mood lately. I made a fall wreath out of things I had around the house. Unfortunately, I left it out and my dog started eating twigs off of it and it no longer looks like a fall wreath.  sad day! I desperately want to make a chalkboard out of an old goodwill frame and also a monogrammed frame for lainey's room... we shall see!
- I'm hoping that I can drop about 15 more pounds and revamp my wardrobe. I've lost quite a bit of weight since getting pregnant and I just want to lose a little bit more and tone up so I can be happy with myself.
- I'd love to get a pedicure.. my feet desperately need some love.
- I'd also like to get a new SUV since my xterra is acting up lately.

Anywho- Hubs just got home and I'd love to spend some time catching up.

Enjoy!

Baby Girl on the Brain

I cannot believe how long it's been since I've blogged. I guess you could say I've got a good excuse... taking care of a newborn is HARD work!
Lainey was born on June 25th at 9:13pm weighing 5 lbs 14 oz and 19 ins long. It was a LONG painful labor and the birth was amazing!

The BIG belly just before going to the hospital!

Hello World! 

Checking things out...Not so sure about this place!

Being a fussy girl!

Ready. Set. Go... I'm on the way home!

Testing out the Nap Nanny

Snuggles with Daddy

I'm WAY too small for this 4th of July outfit!

Check out all that hair!

2nd bath at home.. I'm too small for my bath tub so we have to use the sink.

 Buddha Belly.. I'm getting so big! 

Trying on my 2 piece. 

A few shots at 5 days old!

Lainey is a month old today! We cannot believe time has flown by so fast. I go back to work soon and I'm so going to miss this cutie.

Lainey stats: At 2 weeks you gained 9 ozs and weighed 6lbs 7oz and 19 1/4 ins long. You are in the 3rd percentile for weight and 7th for height. You are a tiny little peanut thought you seem so big to me. You eat 3 oz of breast milk every 2-3 hours. You are like clock work and poop right after every feeding... we have flown through an enormous amount of diapers! You slept in your nap nanny in our bed for 3 weeks and we are trying to transition you to your pack-n-play since you can now be swaddled in a sleep sack. You DO NOT like the pack-n-play and would rather not be swaddled... but we will continue to work on that. You've set yourself on quite the schedule. You feed at 11pm, 3am, and 6am so we get a few stretches of sleep. I secretly cannot wait for you to sleep through the night. You are a pretty content baby and love to the held or in your swing. We love you to pieces and cannot wait to see how you grow and the little lady you'll be!

stuck in the middle

Updates:

At our 36 week appointment Lainey surprised us measuring in at 4 lbs 12 oz (almost a pound weight gain in 2 weeks!) She is still very small measuring in the 3rd percentile but my OB was so pleased with her growth that she wants to keep her in as long as possible unless testing shows she is stressed. We did have some concerns because her head is measuring small this week which is a little off from the normal growth we've seen but she is so far engaged that she could be taking on more of a cone shaped head which would make her measurements off. So far I've been contracting on and off, mostly when I dont' follow the rules and relax, my cervix is closed but thinning and she is very much engaged DEEP down in my pelvis. Lainey has a ton of hair and I cannot wait to put a bow in it! I don't know if I've stated on here but she has got some big juicy lips and her nose is pretty smooched so it's really hard to tell what she will look like.

I'm officially full term today at 37 weeks and we have set her induction date for June 25th! I will be 39 weeks pregnant and we feel that is the best time to evict her as it continues to give her time to grow inside of me without pushing the limits too far and keeping her in an environment where she isn't getting all of the oxygen and nutrients she needs. When she enters the world she will grow at a much faster rate than she has inside of me so we are hopeful that at 39 weeks she will be big enough to be a "take home" baby and not have to  stay in the hospital.

Things have been pretty stressful around here but I keep trying to remind myself that this too shall pass and one day I will look back and everything will be totally worth it.

My body is pretty uncomfortable and I'm pretty sure I'm totally out of room for this growing girl. I still don't really look as pregnant as I am but I feel every ounce and every bit as pregnant as I am. I've gained a good bit of weight but technically I should probably gain a little more. I'm SO looking forward to getting my pre-pregnancy/pre-wedding body back.

I've been doing some lounging in the pool and it helps so much with the swelling. I have tried my hardest to abide by the bed rest "rules" but I cannot just sit around. I'm a list person so I've always got something to do or something on my mind. However, I can say at this point I'm so glad I'm not at work because the pain/swelling is rough on the bones!

I'm ordering a few more things for girlfriend before she arrives and I'm hoping they will get here before she does. I have so many things I want to order but they will have to wait!

I'm off to rest/relax! Enjoy.

bed rest is for the birds!

I haven't updated in awhile frankly because I've been trying to work like crazy and fit in all of these 2-3x per week doctors visits. I'm beyond exhausted and at this point work really wore me out but I still felt good enough to be there and making money!

However, my little Lainey girl and OB have different plans. At 34.3 weeks pregnant (May 23rd) we had another growth ultrasound. I wasn't feeling too certain about it because I didn't think I really looked as pregnant as I should. So I was semi-prepared but still very disappointed to hear that Lainey was measuring 3 lbs 14 oz which is in the 3rd percentile for average fetal weight at this gestational age. She continues to have asymmetric growth meaning all of the vital nutrients are going to her brain, heart, and lungs but her abdomen and extremities continues to lag behind measurement wise. This is a key indicator for IUGR. On top of IUGR my OB has concluded that she is small for gestational age (SGA) and severely growth restricted being inside of me. The SGA is most likely due to the fact that Jas and I are pretty small people so likewise we aren't going to have a huge whopping baby. The IUGR is most likely caused by poor placental perfusion however her tests continue to indicate she is getting better flow through the umbilical cord than she previously had. With all of that said I'm still having difficulty (for the first time in my life) putting on and keeping on weight. To this point I've only gained 15 lbs as I've lost 4 lbs since my last visit. So I've been put on bed rest until delivery so that Lainey can have the opportunity to gain as much weight as possible and so that she can have optimal perfusion through the placenta as my body will be in a state of "rest" to provide the best perfusion to the placenta and ultimately to her.

The plan is to give her another 2 weeks and check her growth to make sure she does not stop growing at some point. If she continues to grow then we will monitor her other tests like dopplers, movement, amniotic fluid, breathing, etc. and continue to make sure she is thriving inside of me. She could be delivered via induction at 36 weeks but we are trying to make it to 37 weeks as this is considered term.

SO- within the next 2-4 weeks we will have a little girl blessing us with her presence!

The big question: Are we ready? Yes and No! We have everything we need for her other than some preemie outfits that I will worry about when we figure out how big she is. But on the other hand I don't think anyone could ever be prepared for a newborn. I already miss the thought of Jason and I but I know as soon as we see her our lives will be changed for the better.

Stay tuned for more updates! I plan on doing a lot of little pinterest projects while on bed rest so hopefully I won't be too bored!

30 weeks

Today we had our 30 week appointment. I'm happy to say I was able to leave with a little bit of peace of mind and some good news! If you know our story our little love was diagnosed with intrauterine growth restriction a few weeks ago although we knew from pretty early on. So today we went in to see if I was going to need to be put on bed rest. I was pretty sure that was going to be the verdict but I did everything in my power to stray  as far away from bed rest as I could. I ate like a cow and beefed up this little girl (and myself unfortunately)! She grew SO much in two short weeks and that makes this momma VERY happy! I gained 5 1/2 pounds and she is officially 2 lbs 14 oz. This is still considered IUGR as she is only in the 5th % for weight but this is HUGE in comparison to the 1 lb 6 oz she was last time!! Her entire body  (head, abdomen, legs and arms) all grew exceptionally well within two weeks which is a awesome. Originally, we suspected that her lack of growth was due to my lack of weight gain however we think we finally have an answer that makes sense. The blood flow from the placenta through her umbilical cord is decreasing which means she isn't getting all of the oxygen and nutrients she needs. I am SO happy to finally have an answer but this does mean weekly appointments for me until she arrives. I will go every week to see how she is tolerating being inside of me, every two weeks to check the flow through her umbilical cord, and every four weeks to check her growth until she is out of me! We are hoping to make it to 35 weeks however at any point these tests show she is not doing as well as she should be she will have to come out. So our July baby will be here in May/June! Yikes!!!

All of this is a lot of news to us but it's good news. It's a step forward and it's positive for the most part. We are still totally unprepared and do not have everything or even close to what we need for her to arrive but we will make it.

In the mean time here are some updates from the last few weeks:

-I tried venturing out and eating a hamburger (read back to note this has been an aversion the ENTIRE pregnancy) and it did NOT go so well. I'm with the cows that promote Chick-Fil-A.. eat more chicken!
-I'm having TERRIBLE leg cramps which I can not seem to get rid of.
- I've bought Lainey a TON of bows which means she will probably be bald for years to come.
-Jas graduates from college next week!
-Jas also got a temporary J-O-B! Now I can officially go get a pedicure :)
- Future update: Our two year wedding anniversary is coming up in May!!!
-My husband has been the most loving and caring individual the last few weeks. So supportive of all my needs and I am so so very thankful for him in my life.

That is all I can think of for now. Might be random but at least I remembered to update on Lainey!

time is limited

I feel defeated. The unknown is killing me. I have no idea what the remainder of this pregnancy looks like for us and it scares me. I'm worried because this is 'my' area of expertise, newborns/babies. I'm normally calm and collected and ready for the chaos but this, THIS is real. The realization that this pregnancy could be over at any minute and Lainey may be forced to face this world outside of me is not something I can handle. I selfishly want to keep her baking and growing inside of me longer. Next week we will find out if I'm holding up my end of the deal.. the baking and growing her part. It's scary to think that outside of me might be better for her if she isn't growing inside.

I'm a list maker and a go getter-pretty type A over the top organized. And the thought that at any appointment I may be forced to go into the hospital and have her is NOT comforting. I have no idea what to pack in a hospital bag for a preemie or for myself at that. Our house has no diapers/wipes, sheets, changing table, car seat. NOTHING for a baby. We have an empty room partially decorated waiting on our little girl's things to arrive. We have a few outfits (NONE that would fit a 3 lb..if that baby)...

I'm 29 weeks pregnant today and I have two pictures of my growing belly from weeks ago. I haven't taken a single bare belly picture for personal memory and I have no sweet pictures of my hubby kissing or talking to Lainey. I feel like any minute these opportunities could be taken from me and I'll never get them back. 

So today.. I realize time is limited and I gotta get this show on the road whether I like it or not. Time to put my big girl panties on and deal with it!

Getting ready for work! 

Gender Reveal Scratch Offs

Rocking the belly BIG TIME!

The view from above! 

Lainey's first monogrammed outfit set!

These pictures are totally random and I had more I wanted to post but somehow I don't know how to pull pictures from my phone. The pictures above are from two weeks ago so that would have been 24'ish weeks. I'm a little smaller now since she has moved around. I plan on taking a few pictures tomorrow so hopefully I can show you some updated pictures then. 

And just for kicks I've uploaded a picture from about 6 years ago! Maybe little miss does look more like me than I thought. At least when I was skinnier :) 

Diagnosis: IUGR

This week we had another ultrasound to measure sweet girl... we are 26 weeks and 4 days and little miss is measuring 24 weeks 1 days on her brain and extremities with her abdomen measuring 23'ish weeks. All of this combined we have officially received the diagnosis of IUGR- Intrauterine Growth Restriction.

I'm totally bummed out although have expected this diagnosis for awhile now. In fact while we sat at an appointment in February I told Jas I had a feeling/fear that she would be IUGR. It's nice to finally have something to go on since she has been off on her measurements from the get go.

The not so nice side of it all is that I'm having to do some modifications to my schedule to make time to rest and nourish little one. So my work schedule has had to change a little and I'm not allowed to exercise, travel, or work consecutive days in a row. The goal being that I will have time to sit around, hydrate, and eat so this little girl has all of the nutrients she needs to function. Right now I'm allowed to work as long as I cut back on my time on my feet (totally unreasonable to ask of a nurse...)

We are going to have another ultrasound in 2 weeks to keep up with her measurement and from there on out I will be seen every two weeks with measurement ultrasounds, umbilical flow doppler studies, and non-stress tests until they show no improvement and at that time it will be time to get her out. At any point I could be put on bed rest so my main goal is to do as told, rest, relax, and eat up.

Sadly, I finally feel GREAT with a ton of energy and have so many things I want to get done. Lainey has other plans and I'm okay with that. I will do another updated post during the 27th week when I finally post some pictures.

mumble jumble

Tonight I'm laying here awake while Jas sleeps on the couch in the living room. Yes, it's that kind of night in our house... not by choice but simply for optimal comfort for all. Our AC broke today and it's getting pretty steamy in here. That along with an utterly (ha i laugh because I feel fat as a friggin cow right now..get it-udders?) uncomfortable pregnant girl is making for a pretty grouchy house. I've got a fan beside the bed that is SO loud I can barely sleep and I just cannot find a single position that will make me comfortable. However, despite the complete discomfort of being hot, fat, and pregnant I'm happy right now. Lainey is going to town kicking me right at this very moment and it makes everything totally worth it. Not going to lie I'm totally ready for her to be kicking outside of me so I can regain some sort of control over my body again. But at 24 weeks she's still needs to bake and for now I'm good with that! 

I've decided I'm not doing a weekly update this week. I'd rather just ramble on about the things going on than have some fancy format to follow. 

So they say I'm 24 weeks but I have an appointment in the coming weeks to do another ultrasound to check her measurements. They are thinking possibly she is small or maybe even my dates are off so we are continuing to get frequent ultrasounds to make sure she is steadily growing while inside of me. However, if my dates are wrong then I could really be like 22'ish weeks instead of 24 weeks. I just keep telling myself it is what it is and that I'm further along so that I don't have to think about adding additional HOT summer days to my already long pregnancy journey. 

My symptoms have been following right along with what the bump (thebump.com) has been telling me I should be experiencing. The newest most fantastic symptom I've been experiencing is leg cramps. Now we aren't talking just little uncomfortable, just bend over and stretch it out, leg cramps. I'm talking laying in bed and my entire calf is stuck in a-leaves-you-screaming-for-help-in-tears type of cramp.. these things are FIERCE! If I can even begin to put them into comparison of something I'd say 10x worse than a charlie horse. Now that you've got the picture they only last like 30 seconds but still it's bad. 

My bump is almost sticking out over my chest when looking down. Everyone says I look small but I feel EVERYTHING but small. I've got pictures to post so hopefully I can get those up this week. 

And last but not least Jas has worked really hard on Lainey's room and it is done being painted!! We are waiting on her crib and bedding to come in and we still need to get a chair, side table, and decor and it will be DONE! Painting was the biggest task so now it seems like we are steps away from having her space complete! 

Now that I've rambled on about nothingness I shall go find something to buy on etsy! So long :)

23 weeks

How far along: 23 weeks

Size: Pomegranate 

Sleep: Not too shabby!!

Movement: A Ton! Watch out, girl likes to move now!

Food cravings/aversions: Don't even put anything with hamburger meat in front of me but a plate of juicy fruit and we'll be alright. 

Pregnancy Symptoms: Tired.. Swollen after working 12 hr shifts...random sciatic pain.

What I miss:  Energy. Buying new clothes to wear.

What I look forward to: Jas wants to go to the beach this weekend and take some belly pictures so I'm hoping they turn out cute and we can finally document some of my growing belly. I'm not going to lie.. we are getting in home dog trainers and I'm STOCKED about this!

Milestones: She can hear my heartbeat and voice.. unfortunately that also means the dog barks too. Poor girl will be VERY fond of their voices.

Best Moments this week: I'm going to cheat and tell you about last week. We got to do more measurements of little girl and got to see her in 3D!! We could see her facial features and we were even able to determine she has my hubby's nose. I cannot wait to kiss her sweet face =) ALSO a huge praise her little heart looks perfect which is one of the things we were looking for! Now she just has to grow grow grow!

Best moments with Jason: We have picked out her nursery bed set and are starting to get furniture to refinish and start on her room! 

I'll leave you with a few pictures and sneak peeks...

Boy or Girl?

We found out on Monday February 13th that we are expecting a little GIRL...Just prior to finding out I asked Jason what he thought it was and he said he thought 65% it was a girl and I said I thought 98% boy. Apparently my maternal instincts were not very great. We have officially announced to most of our family so I figured a blog post wouldn't hurt. We made scratch of cards that said...

What is Baby Chinnis going to be?

Boy or Girl

Scratch to See!

My handy dandy pinterest helped me find a way to make scratch off lottery-like ticket material and we put two pink feet under the scratch off. I will definitely post a picture so everyone gets the idea. It was one of the only unique ways we could come up with in announcing the gender of little one. I happened to love it and I think everyone thought it was cute..

We had one girl and one boy name picked out. The boy name was after my dad James Mason-we were going to name him Jameson Braham. It's almost hard for me to even say we WERE going to name him Jameson because I really believed we were having a boy. Although, every single symptom I had pointed to a girl (old wives tales) I just didn't believe my hubby could produce a girl. So back to her name...

Lainey Lynn

I'm not sold on the middle name but it is my and my mom's middle name and I would love to use it for my little one...however, it does sound a little hick to me (Ex: Loretta Lynn) but we are pretty positive her name is Lainey Lynn!

Little one is a mover and a shaker and takes after her momma already. She is up ALL night long kicking and moving and sleeps all day (which is fine with me.. Jas not so much) 

Yay for finally knowing and not keeping anymore secrets! I'm off to shop for bows on etsy :)

There are a few things I may have left out on last time I posted. We had to go to a specialist to check out the baby's heart (which looks great, but we will know for sure in 2 weeks) and we also had our anatomy scan during week 20 which scared this momma to the max. Long story short we went to the 'mac daddy' hospital to get a level 2 ultrasound done, now, as a nurse I know they must tell you the worst of the worst but I just wasn't prepared fort hat because it wasn't going to happen to me ... right?! Anyways, they decided to do some measurements on little one and concluded that it looked healthy but small. They told me my dates could be wrong (which I would have been fine with but they were saying like 9 days wrong and I KNEW that wasn't even possible.. if ya know what I mean.) or that baby may be having a problem growing inside of me...also known as intrauterine growth restriction. So yeah.. took that news not so light heartedly as this is MY baby and not just a baby I'm helping bring into the world with IUGR (for short). Followed up with my OB who made me feel SO SO much better. She came in and said she wasn't worried about the measurements but we will redo them in her office along with the follow up echo of the baby's heart to make sure the growth hasn't gotten smaller. This made me feel so much better and more than anything ready to put up a fight for this little one. And for all of those that know my husband and I we are NOT big people.. coming in at a whopping 5'1 and 5'5-6 inches so this could be perfectly normal for us to have a little tiny baby. Carrying on to this week!

How far along: 21 weeks

Size: Banana

Sleep: I've been sleeping pretty good other than having a hard time transitioning from night shift. My sciatic nerve has been giving me a tone of issues but I somehow manage to reposition and wait it out until morning.

Movement: A TON! Jason got to feel the baby kick from the outside during the 20th week but he is getting to feel a ton of movement during the 21st week!! 

Food cravings/aversions: Don't even put anything with hamburger meat in front of me but a plate of juicy fruit and we'll be alright. 

Pregnancy Symptoms: Sciatic nerve pain and movement! One round of severe nausea this week but no sickness =)

What I miss:  Energy. 

What I look forward to: Doing a post on our gender reveal! Which I hope to post a little later along with some belly shots. No promises of course. 

Milestones: The baby is sucking down amniotic fluid this week which helps produce it's first stools! Interesting right?

Best Moments this week: Finally knowing what we are having and preparing for it! 

Best moments with Jason: Seeing his face when he felt the baby thump his hand a million times in a row. 

I'm so looking forward to posting our reveal and ideas for Baby Chinnis! If you read, paha I laugh out loud as I type that because I know my reading population is nothing like that of kellyskorner but hey we'll go with it, then you'll have to endure my endless hours of pinterest idea gathering and baby talk :) Thanks for following!

19 weeks

How far along: 19 weeks

Size: Mango

Sleep: Other than not being able to get comfortable and not falling asleep until 4 or 5 am then it's fine.

Movement: Tons of movement! Especially when I lay down at night or bend over. Sometimes I feel like little nugget is saying Gimme some room woman! 

Food cravings/aversions: Only thing I can think about eating is soup and fruit. 

Pregnancy Symptoms: Only one episode of morning sickness this week! Kuddo's to baby :) I'm still extremely tired and don't have energy to get up and go.

What I miss: Feeling like myself. 

What I look forward to: Still eagerly awaiting our anatomy scan where we can find out the sex of our baby! We've got a pretty cute idea for gender reveal so I'm hoping to get it all squared away before next weeks appointment!

Milestones: Baby is developing vernix on it's body.. yay for cheesy goo! It is also working on it's 5 senses :)

Best Moments this week: My hubby letting me get tons of sleep.. I feel like a new woman!

Best moments with Jason: We have gotten to spend a lot of time together recently and it's been nice just focusing on each other and getting out of the house.

I'm definitely going to start taking some belly pictures soon. I'm normally so good at doing things I say I'll do but lately I've been incredibly slack! My belly is arriving slowly, day by day, it seems to get bigger. However, I haven't put on much weight so there really isn't much to see. Anyways, get ready to see some not so hot pictures of me in my PJs because that's all I lounge in all day! 

18 weeks

How far along: 18 weeks

Baby size: Sweet Potato

Sleep: Sleeps good but naps are better!

Movement: Tons of movement! Mostly thumps and jabs but this is an active little one.

Food cravings/aversions: Back on a fruit kick this week. Still hate the thought of hamburger meat.

Pregnancy Symptoms: I'm feeling really good! I did sleep for 15 hours one day but that was just a much needed rest!

What I miss: Patience. This week I feel like I just want to pull my hair out. I'm super stressed about getting things ordered and done before the baby gets here. Yes, I know we have time but we have NOTHING so far!

What I'm looking forward to:   Finding out the sex of out baby! 12 days and counting!

Milestones: Much more movement and not so much sickness!

Best moment this week:  Did an ultrasound and could see the baby moving around like crazy AGAIN! It was kicking me so hard and it's crazy how active little one is. We also think we might know what it is but aren't for sure so our lips are sealed. 

Moments with Jason: He has been so sweet this week. He keeps telling me how gorgeous I am and he has loved feeling my belly grow. He keeps reassuring me everything is going to be fine and keeps helping me look back on where we came from and how far we've come. He is my rock and I love him more now than every before.

My belly is growing very rapidly this week and I'm really doing terribly at taking pictures so maybe tomorrow I'll snap one and post it before I'm in the 19th week! Next post will be 20 weeks and hopefully I can share the sex of the baby!

thoughts & ramblings

Hey Y'all :)

I thought it was about time for something other than bump'dates. Life around here has been semi-crazy. Jas started his last semester of college, PRAISE THE LORD! He is taking the most random classes (criminal justice, anatomy and physiology, college seminar, etc. RANDOM!)  just to pick up the extra 8 credit hours he needs to graduate. It's a pretty easy course load but we are just ready to see the end in sight! He desperately needs to find a good paying J-O-B prior to the arrival of little one so thats a little stressful. I've been working night shift which has been really nice because I'm not feeling so sick while at work and I get so much more sleep throughout the day than I did when I worked day shift and got home at 8pm and was up and down at least 5 times throughout the night going to the bathroom. I'm loving my job and it's given me a whole new perspective on parenthood. yikes! We are definitely coping better with the pregnancy as each day we get a little more excited. We made some progress this week and cleared out the baby's room. Now we are just waiting to find out what little one is and then we will get the show on the road!

A few things I want to challenge myself to start doing more of:
- walking/exercising
-taking more pictures
-spending more time with jason and family
- plan an outing every weekend