how do i feel

Today I am a little sad. My baby is getting so big, so fast. I have days that I've already forgotten about the newborn phase and I look back at her pictures and just think about how much time has passed. This month it will have been a year since we found out we were pregnant and to me it is sad. My pregnancy flew by and, as many first time parents, we did not capture enough. I don't remember the sick days, the small days, the fat days, the adventures.. anything! So so sad. Now, Lainey is almost 3.5 months old and we do not have enough memories captured. I wish we had taken more time to capture the moments so that we can have them to look back on. So I'm sad.

Life has been great, changing daily, but great. We have a lot of changes about to take place and if you know me you probably know that I do not do change well. Jas is about to jump into the next "chapter" of his life career wise and I am about to make a minor career change that hopefully will mean more family time and a better schedule for us all.

Work has taken so much time away from our family life and I just miss my hubs and baby.

Beware baby update/randomness ahead--

Lainey girl is between 11 and 12 pounds which is just crazy to me since she was only 5 lbs 14 oz when she was born. She has the cutest double chin/chubs and her constant drooling causes a funky odor in those little rolls. She eats strictly breast milk and I just cannot believe she is almost old enough for rice cereal. someone freeze time. please. please. please. She has blue eyes and blonde/brown hair. She wears size 3 to 6 month clothes and size 2 diapers. she hates wearing headbands but she will learn to love them. she loves her paci and swing. she has learned to sit up and stand on her legs.. she is so close to sitting by herself. big girl. she loves to coo and giggle when we make faces at her. she is so good on car rides and in public but acts crazy at home. she must be telling us it's time to get out more! I am head over heels in love with this girl and she is such a blessing in my life. To say I feel like I've found my purpose in life is an understatement. I cannot wait to show her what true unconditional love it. I think I need to go smooch her chubby cheeks right this second.

My goals for this fall include:
-getting outside in the nice weather..whenever it arrives.
-a few diy projects including a magnetic makeup board because frankly im tired of dropping my mac makeup on the floor.
-lose a little extra weight
-spend WAY more time making/capturing memories with my love and my little love
-spend more time with the boys..aka the dogs
-start shopping for christmas because after all a baby surely changes my last minute christmas shopping
-decorate my house for fall because a little pumpkin scent does the heart good

enjoy!

Updates

Welp, here we go again! My lack of blogging skills totally and completely sucks. I love reading others blogs but mine lacks substance and importance. Tonight I think I'm going to just give some updates.. so enjoy my life in bullets (aka updates/thoughts)

- Lainey is a little over three, i repeat, THREE months old. Crazy how fast time has gone. She is probably about 11-12 lbs. She was 10 pounds a few weeks ago. She has brown hair with blond roots and blue eyes! She is almost out of size 1 diapers..makes my heart a little sad! She has such a big personality and coo's and smiles all the time. She also screams at the top of her lungs and pokes out her pouty lip quite often too.. Let me just tell you that pouty lip already works like a charm!
-The boys, aka the dogs, have gotten so BIG! They play all the time and love to lick lainey's feet. (No worries she kicks them away). They are getting dog training at home again and it went really well. We are trying to work on their jumping and obedience so that people can come over and not have to worry about their behavior.
-My husband is a rock star! He is the worlds BEST dad and he is such an awesome husband. I really thought this whole parenthood journey would mean little sleep and more fighting but we have really grown more in love and this has been such a blessing in our lives. He keeps us going and works so hard to have a great attitude despite how life's hard times treat him.
-The hubs is planning on joining the national guard or the air force reserves.. hoping to get all of the details in line and start paperwork soon. He is working so hard to make the best for our family.. love him!
- Our immediate family has been quite a hand full lately. We've really tried to pull away from all the drama and it has positively impacted our marriage and family life for the better. I just wish there could be a happy medium and that things didn't have to go this way.
- Seeing Jas as such a sweet, tender, rocking, awesome dad to my little girl makes me question what my life would have been like had my dad been alive a lot longer. Some days I get sad and others I remember that all things in life happen for a reason and this too shall pass.
-Our 7 year anniversary (dating) is coming up next month and I'm trying to think of some awesome gifts to give the hubs.. I often wonder if people celebrate their "dating" anniversary after they get married. For me every anniversary is a time to celebrate. Life is short and hard and there are many people that don't make it to their next anniversary and that makes me want to celebrate even more!
-Baby girl has been sleeping through the night! score!!!!
-I've been in the crafting mood lately. I made a fall wreath out of things I had around the house. Unfortunately, I left it out and my dog started eating twigs off of it and it no longer looks like a fall wreath.  sad day! I desperately want to make a chalkboard out of an old goodwill frame and also a monogrammed frame for lainey's room... we shall see!
- I'm hoping that I can drop about 15 more pounds and revamp my wardrobe. I've lost quite a bit of weight since getting pregnant and I just want to lose a little bit more and tone up so I can be happy with myself.
- I'd love to get a pedicure.. my feet desperately need some love.
- I'd also like to get a new SUV since my xterra is acting up lately.

Anywho- Hubs just got home and I'd love to spend some time catching up.

Enjoy!

Baby Girl on the Brain

I cannot believe how long it's been since I've blogged. I guess you could say I've got a good excuse... taking care of a newborn is HARD work!
Lainey was born on June 25th at 9:13pm weighing 5 lbs 14 oz and 19 ins long. It was a LONG painful labor and the birth was amazing!

The BIG belly just before going to the hospital!

Hello World! 

Checking things out...Not so sure about this place!

Being a fussy girl!

Ready. Set. Go... I'm on the way home!

Testing out the Nap Nanny

Snuggles with Daddy

I'm WAY too small for this 4th of July outfit!

Check out all that hair!

2nd bath at home.. I'm too small for my bath tub so we have to use the sink.

 Buddha Belly.. I'm getting so big! 

Trying on my 2 piece. 

A few shots at 5 days old!

Lainey is a month old today! We cannot believe time has flown by so fast. I go back to work soon and I'm so going to miss this cutie.

Lainey stats: At 2 weeks you gained 9 ozs and weighed 6lbs 7oz and 19 1/4 ins long. You are in the 3rd percentile for weight and 7th for height. You are a tiny little peanut thought you seem so big to me. You eat 3 oz of breast milk every 2-3 hours. You are like clock work and poop right after every feeding... we have flown through an enormous amount of diapers! You slept in your nap nanny in our bed for 3 weeks and we are trying to transition you to your pack-n-play since you can now be swaddled in a sleep sack. You DO NOT like the pack-n-play and would rather not be swaddled... but we will continue to work on that. You've set yourself on quite the schedule. You feed at 11pm, 3am, and 6am so we get a few stretches of sleep. I secretly cannot wait for you to sleep through the night. You are a pretty content baby and love to the held or in your swing. We love you to pieces and cannot wait to see how you grow and the little lady you'll be!

stuck in the middle

Updates:

At our 36 week appointment Lainey surprised us measuring in at 4 lbs 12 oz (almost a pound weight gain in 2 weeks!) She is still very small measuring in the 3rd percentile but my OB was so pleased with her growth that she wants to keep her in as long as possible unless testing shows she is stressed. We did have some concerns because her head is measuring small this week which is a little off from the normal growth we've seen but she is so far engaged that she could be taking on more of a cone shaped head which would make her measurements off. So far I've been contracting on and off, mostly when I dont' follow the rules and relax, my cervix is closed but thinning and she is very much engaged DEEP down in my pelvis. Lainey has a ton of hair and I cannot wait to put a bow in it! I don't know if I've stated on here but she has got some big juicy lips and her nose is pretty smooched so it's really hard to tell what she will look like.

I'm officially full term today at 37 weeks and we have set her induction date for June 25th! I will be 39 weeks pregnant and we feel that is the best time to evict her as it continues to give her time to grow inside of me without pushing the limits too far and keeping her in an environment where she isn't getting all of the oxygen and nutrients she needs. When she enters the world she will grow at a much faster rate than she has inside of me so we are hopeful that at 39 weeks she will be big enough to be a "take home" baby and not have to  stay in the hospital.

Things have been pretty stressful around here but I keep trying to remind myself that this too shall pass and one day I will look back and everything will be totally worth it.

My body is pretty uncomfortable and I'm pretty sure I'm totally out of room for this growing girl. I still don't really look as pregnant as I am but I feel every ounce and every bit as pregnant as I am. I've gained a good bit of weight but technically I should probably gain a little more. I'm SO looking forward to getting my pre-pregnancy/pre-wedding body back.

I've been doing some lounging in the pool and it helps so much with the swelling. I have tried my hardest to abide by the bed rest "rules" but I cannot just sit around. I'm a list person so I've always got something to do or something on my mind. However, I can say at this point I'm so glad I'm not at work because the pain/swelling is rough on the bones!

I'm ordering a few more things for girlfriend before she arrives and I'm hoping they will get here before she does. I have so many things I want to order but they will have to wait!

I'm off to rest/relax! Enjoy.

bed rest is for the birds!

I haven't updated in awhile frankly because I've been trying to work like crazy and fit in all of these 2-3x per week doctors visits. I'm beyond exhausted and at this point work really wore me out but I still felt good enough to be there and making money!

However, my little Lainey girl and OB have different plans. At 34.3 weeks pregnant (May 23rd) we had another growth ultrasound. I wasn't feeling too certain about it because I didn't think I really looked as pregnant as I should. So I was semi-prepared but still very disappointed to hear that Lainey was measuring 3 lbs 14 oz which is in the 3rd percentile for average fetal weight at this gestational age. She continues to have asymmetric growth meaning all of the vital nutrients are going to her brain, heart, and lungs but her abdomen and extremities continues to lag behind measurement wise. This is a key indicator for IUGR. On top of IUGR my OB has concluded that she is small for gestational age (SGA) and severely growth restricted being inside of me. The SGA is most likely due to the fact that Jas and I are pretty small people so likewise we aren't going to have a huge whopping baby. The IUGR is most likely caused by poor placental perfusion however her tests continue to indicate she is getting better flow through the umbilical cord than she previously had. With all of that said I'm still having difficulty (for the first time in my life) putting on and keeping on weight. To this point I've only gained 15 lbs as I've lost 4 lbs since my last visit. So I've been put on bed rest until delivery so that Lainey can have the opportunity to gain as much weight as possible and so that she can have optimal perfusion through the placenta as my body will be in a state of "rest" to provide the best perfusion to the placenta and ultimately to her.

The plan is to give her another 2 weeks and check her growth to make sure she does not stop growing at some point. If she continues to grow then we will monitor her other tests like dopplers, movement, amniotic fluid, breathing, etc. and continue to make sure she is thriving inside of me. She could be delivered via induction at 36 weeks but we are trying to make it to 37 weeks as this is considered term.

SO- within the next 2-4 weeks we will have a little girl blessing us with her presence!

The big question: Are we ready? Yes and No! We have everything we need for her other than some preemie outfits that I will worry about when we figure out how big she is. But on the other hand I don't think anyone could ever be prepared for a newborn. I already miss the thought of Jason and I but I know as soon as we see her our lives will be changed for the better.

Stay tuned for more updates! I plan on doing a lot of little pinterest projects while on bed rest so hopefully I won't be too bored!

30 weeks

Today we had our 30 week appointment. I'm happy to say I was able to leave with a little bit of peace of mind and some good news! If you know our story our little love was diagnosed with intrauterine growth restriction a few weeks ago although we knew from pretty early on. So today we went in to see if I was going to need to be put on bed rest. I was pretty sure that was going to be the verdict but I did everything in my power to stray  as far away from bed rest as I could. I ate like a cow and beefed up this little girl (and myself unfortunately)! She grew SO much in two short weeks and that makes this momma VERY happy! I gained 5 1/2 pounds and she is officially 2 lbs 14 oz. This is still considered IUGR as she is only in the 5th % for weight but this is HUGE in comparison to the 1 lb 6 oz she was last time!! Her entire body  (head, abdomen, legs and arms) all grew exceptionally well within two weeks which is a awesome. Originally, we suspected that her lack of growth was due to my lack of weight gain however we think we finally have an answer that makes sense. The blood flow from the placenta through her umbilical cord is decreasing which means she isn't getting all of the oxygen and nutrients she needs. I am SO happy to finally have an answer but this does mean weekly appointments for me until she arrives. I will go every week to see how she is tolerating being inside of me, every two weeks to check the flow through her umbilical cord, and every four weeks to check her growth until she is out of me! We are hoping to make it to 35 weeks however at any point these tests show she is not doing as well as she should be she will have to come out. So our July baby will be here in May/June! Yikes!!!

All of this is a lot of news to us but it's good news. It's a step forward and it's positive for the most part. We are still totally unprepared and do not have everything or even close to what we need for her to arrive but we will make it.

In the mean time here are some updates from the last few weeks:

-I tried venturing out and eating a hamburger (read back to note this has been an aversion the ENTIRE pregnancy) and it did NOT go so well. I'm with the cows that promote Chick-Fil-A.. eat more chicken!
-I'm having TERRIBLE leg cramps which I can not seem to get rid of.
- I've bought Lainey a TON of bows which means she will probably be bald for years to come.
-Jas graduates from college next week!
-Jas also got a temporary J-O-B! Now I can officially go get a pedicure :)
- Future update: Our two year wedding anniversary is coming up in May!!!
-My husband has been the most loving and caring individual the last few weeks. So supportive of all my needs and I am so so very thankful for him in my life.

That is all I can think of for now. Might be random but at least I remembered to update on Lainey!

time is limited

I feel defeated. The unknown is killing me. I have no idea what the remainder of this pregnancy looks like for us and it scares me. I'm worried because this is 'my' area of expertise, newborns/babies. I'm normally calm and collected and ready for the chaos but this, THIS is real. The realization that this pregnancy could be over at any minute and Lainey may be forced to face this world outside of me is not something I can handle. I selfishly want to keep her baking and growing inside of me longer. Next week we will find out if I'm holding up my end of the deal.. the baking and growing her part. It's scary to think that outside of me might be better for her if she isn't growing inside.

I'm a list maker and a go getter-pretty type A over the top organized. And the thought that at any appointment I may be forced to go into the hospital and have her is NOT comforting. I have no idea what to pack in a hospital bag for a preemie or for myself at that. Our house has no diapers/wipes, sheets, changing table, car seat. NOTHING for a baby. We have an empty room partially decorated waiting on our little girl's things to arrive. We have a few outfits (NONE that would fit a 3 lb..if that baby)...

I'm 29 weeks pregnant today and I have two pictures of my growing belly from weeks ago. I haven't taken a single bare belly picture for personal memory and I have no sweet pictures of my hubby kissing or talking to Lainey. I feel like any minute these opportunities could be taken from me and I'll never get them back. 

So today.. I realize time is limited and I gotta get this show on the road whether I like it or not. Time to put my big girl panties on and deal with it!